Mamma Mayo!

While I am one to love receiving clear instructions, I have always been the worst when it comes to following a recipe with its precise measurements. I am by nature a rebel without a cause, large and containing multitudes, caught in the ravine of being on the safe side of cooking and being a wanna-be culinary avant-garde. (My hunch though is that my impatience is to blame for disastrous results.) Last night, however, I felt a new sense of creative hope rise from within, so I decided to embark on a new journey of adhering to orders from strangers telling me how to please my tastebuds and seeing where that takes me. Take my defiance from out my heart and take thy tasteless french toasts, runny pancake mix, and undercooked poultry from off my door quoth this rogue chef, 'Nevermore.' 

Enjoy.

Materials:
Food processor or stick blender (some are cordless, some are electric)
Stainless steel, non-skid at the bottom especially if you are using a stick blender
P.S. I think a stick blender is worth the investment so get one. I feel it's better especially if you're only making a cup or two of the mayo. 
P.P.S. Listen, I couldn't figure out how a stick blender worked. I didn't even realize we owned one until I was at the end of the emulsification process. I whisked manually (and my arm almost fell off, but like gains) and it worked. It worked because it is only a cup after all. I do not recommend this at all, but it would be possible. 

Ingredients: Bring all ingredients to room temperature.
Note: Eggs take a while to warm up and so do lemons. Leave an egg on the counter overnight and always have at least 1-2 lemons out ready to be used at room temp.
Serving: 1 cup.

1 cup Light* Olive Oil
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon Mustard Powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 lemons

*It is imperative you use light oil. The heaviness of some oils will give you a thicker and greasier consistency of your homayo (homemade mayo -- trying to coin some cool jargon here.)

Round 1: Mix the ingredients listed below in a mixing bowl with a stick or handheld blender, or a food processor.

It's supposed to look creamy and frothy. Don't expect it to come out looking like Mayo already.
Keep going and trust the process!

1/4 cup Olive Oil

1 Egg
1/2 teaspoon Mustard Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt

Round 2:  Prep the remaining 3/4 cup Olive Oil

While the food processor or blender is running (or while mixing in a bowl with a stick blender), slowly drizzle (according to WHOLE30 experts) in the remaining cup of olive oil. By slow, I mean just let the oil trickle out. By drizzle, I mean just let the oil trickle out. Dumping the oil in the bowl will leave you with a runny, soupy, and oily mayo.

The slower you pour, the thicker the mayo.
Add the lemon juice after your mayo has thickened up.

Do you think I'd crumble? Do you think I'd lay down here and die? Oh no not I, EMULSIFY.

This whole process is called Emulsification. It is the process by which two ingredients that don't blend well are mixed together. The mayonnaise mixture will thicken as you pour sloooowly and blend simultaneously. Add the lemon juice last so it doesn't thin out the mixture.

Shelf-life: Check for expiration date of eggs, and it should be the same. I wouldn't keep it for a week long though (I don't think it would last very long in my house anyway). This mayo mixture is easy enough to make that it will not be necessary for you to store any in your fridge.

#FailedIt Hacks: Use it immediately as salad dressing. Shake it up in a closed container to create a temporary emulsion.
#NailedIt Perks: You can use this as base for my next favorite thing on planet earth: Basil Aioli (look out for next post!)


www.whole30.com
*I took everything from Whole30.com. I simply wanted to reformat it for my personal use so I can pass this down to my future self and kiddos. This is also for my friends because really, if I can do it, so can y'all.